best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
