You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i think my mom watched the whole time
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
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