help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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