I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
