My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
