i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
