ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
