If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
