my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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