she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
