Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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