Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize