Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
