He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
