Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
