Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
