"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
