I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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