I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
