No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
