i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
