my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
