Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
whose parrot is this?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize