I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
