So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
