It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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