I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I need to calm my uterus...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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