I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
