You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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