Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
