so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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