I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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