I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
