Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
