@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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