New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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