I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
