Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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