maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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