apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
