Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Randomize
