Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize