fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
