not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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