so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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