Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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