I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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