walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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