im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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