you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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