It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Four minutes until I can fart!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
