garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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