How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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