sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
