I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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