You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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