I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
