I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
