Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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