roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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