I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I DEMAND FORESKIN
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
