Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
