I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
