I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just high enough for therapy.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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