considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
