How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
