According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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