Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
we're so committed to being not committed
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
