Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You ate ashes out of my bong
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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